I’ve definitely had my fair share of relationships in my lifetime and I’ve seen enough to know that a huge problem in relationships is not knowing when to call it quits. For a lot of people, they realize that the relationship isn’t doing what it is supposed to anymore but continue to hold on to it. Other people let relationships run their lives and stop them from pursuing the things important to them.
Whether it’s the fear of being alone or fear of not having that person in your life anymore, you need to realize that relationships should be happy and then need to contribute positively to your life. My post Babe, Stop Apologizing, touched on the idea that you shouldn’t leave toxic people in your life just because you love them and that absolutely can be applied here. When the relationship isn’t what it used to be and you’ve tried everything in your power to make it work, you need to just walk away. You might be thinking, well that’s easier said then done but believe me there is so much more to this world then your crumby relationship.
I watched a lot of my in both high school and college just long for a boyfriend. They seriously would do anything to just have someone to call their own. I mean if you’re starting out a relationship with your history of being desperate for a boyfriend, it can’t end well and yet my friends somehow made it last. Basing your relationship off the idea that you don’t want to be lonely isn’t the healthiest start to one. A huge question that you need to ask yourself before getting a boyfriend or girlfriend is why am I doing this? Is it because I’m lonely or am I secure enough in my own skin that I can add to someone else’s life? You need to have yourself established before you can give anything to anyone else. You need to have your self-love and confidence in your own skin so that you’re the best version of yourself for someone else. You can’t pour into someone else’s cup if your own cup isn’t that full.
In the world we live in today, relationships look so different than they did in the past. If you look at statistics, people are waiting to get into relationships or not getting into them at all. Reasons vary but the general trend is anti relationships, and personally I’m all for it. Girls today have so much more freedom in what they can say and do, and to be honest most relationships hold girls back. In thinking about my own experiences, there were countless times that I didn’t pursue something because of the relationship I was in at the time. I look back now and ask myself “Was it worth it?” and considering I don’t even talk to that person anymore, it wasn’t.
Why do girls have to lose their identities when they’re in relationships. I wonder that a lot and think that the answer lies in the insecurities of the person they’re with. Most guys can’t handle girls that know what they want and where they’re going in life, especially if they have no clue where they’re going themselves. Girls shouldn’t worry about what their significant other is going to think. Relationships definitely should not run your life to the point that you lose all ambition for the dreams you had. This ties into my earlier point that you can’t get into a relationship that’s going to be happy and healthy until you are secure with who you are.
Now, I’m totally not advocating going out and breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend if you’re the slightest bit unhappy but if any of these scenarios I’ve mentioned fit you, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate somethings. You need to consider why you got into the relationship and how the relationship makes you continue to feel. Relationships are there to make you happy and to add to your life, they aren’t there to stop you from doing what you want to do in life or make you miserable.
Something else I want to touch on is that it is totally okay for you to communicate how you feel to your partner. I feel like a lot of people are afraid to make the first move in conversations because they’re worried it might come off the wrong way. You have to get comfortable enough with the person you’re with so that these types of conversations are easy and painless. It’s good to step back and reevaluate where you are in relationships from time to time so that you make sure you’re on the same page.
It took me a long time to get as comfortable and confident as I am now to even be talking about knowing when to leave a relationship or what not to do to get into one. I for so long hated being alone but now realize I’m better off alone then miserable with someone else. In my life right now I am so content with where I am in my relationship and I know that we both work to better each other and our relationship. If you’re not in a partnership with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re not in a good relationship and that when it’s time to say Boy, Bye.